Yesterday I woke up with an overwhelming feeling of optimism. I looked at the world and saw it as flush with opportunities that were just waiting for me to snatch up. Artprof.org is the main reason I can feel this way on occasion. When I think about all of the new people I’ve interacted with since the project began, it’s really quite remarkable how much bigger my world is now compared to several years ago.
In the morning yesterday, the world was my oyster and I felt a rush of energy to get up and do something. I shot off at least 30 emails to a number of journalists and local arts organizations. Reaching out to journalists usually feels like a fruitless endeavor; until you get that ONE email that makes it all worth it. I’ve had days where I sent over 60 emails and got nothing but tumbleweeds. As I sent the emails yesterday, I didn’t care whether I got any response or not, exactly the mindset you need when you put yourself out there.
On the other hand, I’ve had so many days that are at the opposite end of the spectrum. I feel like all I see around me are iron doors which are permanently locked for me, while I watch other people effortlessly open those doors and coast through. I imagine that everything I try to do is invisible, and that it all goes into a black pit, never to be heard from or acknowledged.
Unfortunately, between the world being my oyster and my big black pit, the pit usually dominates. Although these are extremes; the vast majority of the time I try to stay numb to these inclinations and refuse to indulge in either. Sounds depressing, but I see that as a survival mechanism. If I was constantly riding these extremes of my oyster and black pit. I don’t think I would be able to sustain this long term.
That’s what it is so much of the time when you’re a creative person. You need the endurance and tenacity to wake up everyday, and try.